Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
