I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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