I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
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