I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
