be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
