At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
