He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
