Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
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