He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
