shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
