my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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