I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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