Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
