Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
