Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
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