Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
