She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
