Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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