nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
i wish my penis had a tongue
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
