Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
