I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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