saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize