is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
