Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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