I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Come on in and take your pants off
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
