there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
