Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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