apparently the secret to your success is patron
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
