My friends, they love my intelligence
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
