let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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