i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
