sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Randomize
