dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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