Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks