Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
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Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
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I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.