i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
