two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS