Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
