i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
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That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
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I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom