Texts From Last Night

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  (606): View more from Kentucky

  are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too

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  (606):are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too http://tfl.nu/1ky4
  Replies (2) Good night (1355) Bad night (567)
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  (613): View more from Ontario

  Who pooed in my magic bullet?

  (1-613): View more from Ontario

  Sorry the bathroom was being used.

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  (613): Who pooed in my magic bullet? (1-613): Sorry the bathroom was being used. http://tfl.nu/qp1c
  Replies (9) Good night (824) Bad night (4623)
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  (971): View more from Oregon

  this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word

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  (971): this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word http://tfl.nu/bykc
  Replies (57) Good night (1742) Bad night (20930)
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.

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  (519): Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation. http://tfl.nu/lz4o
  Replies (17) Good night (4114) Bad night (900)
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.

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  (201): She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza. http://tfl.nu/d9wz
  Replies (20) Good night (2957) Bad night (923)
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  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...

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  (414): i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall... http://tfl.nu/m552
  Replies (3) Good night (3278) Bad night (881)
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  (502): View more from Kentucky

  He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.

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  (502): He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up. http://tfl.nu/onjv
  Replies (12) Good night (1460) Bad night (4118)
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  (801): View more from Utah

  I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.

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  (801): I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl. http://tfl.nu/k0v0
  Replies (18) Good night (902) Bad night (4577)
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  (509): View more from Washington

  Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.

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  (509): Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here. http://tfl.nu/v9yq
  Replies (10) Good night (1373) Bad night (1400)
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  (516): View more from New York

  Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.

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  (516): Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase. http://tfl.nu/afiw
  Replies (9) Good night (1608) Bad night (533)
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  (778): View more from British Columbia

  I think we need to teach you what straight means again

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  (778): I think we need to teach you what straight means again http://tfl.nu/9bex
  Replies (3) Good night (1244) Bad night (467)
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  (651): View more from Minnesota

  Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?

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  (651): Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you? http://tfl.nu/w903
  Replies (2) Good night (627) Bad night (269)
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  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit

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  (403): Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit http://tfl.nu/zv0h
  Replies (6) Good night (293) Bad night (677)
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka

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  (201): I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka http://tfl.nu/upfv
  Replies (4) Good night (262) Bad night (579)
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.

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  (541): Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper. http://tfl.nu/4og2
  Replies (7) Good night (748) Bad night (367)

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