I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
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Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
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He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
My breasts were aching with rage.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness