Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I deserve this hangover.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.