Texts From Last Night

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  (313): View more from Michigan

  hotel room ftw

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  (313): hotel room ftw http://tfl.nu/h1xu
  Replies (5) Good night (1955) Bad night (669)
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  (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you

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  (321): You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you http://tfl.nu/ey1b
  Replies (71) Good night (3824) Bad night (714)
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  (518): View more from New York

  After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"

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  (518): After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you" http://tfl.nu/k4ce
  Replies (42) Good night (1362) Bad night (6714)
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  (914): View more from New York

  after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.

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  (914): after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him. http://tfl.nu/2bsg
  Replies (41) Good night (746) Bad night (6299)
• Favorite

  (803): View more from South Carolina

  Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?

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  (803): Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass? http://tfl.nu/vxrr
  Replies (16) Good night (1057) Bad night (2246)
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  (406): View more from Montana

  She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??

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  (406): She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads?? http://tfl.nu/sqt6
  Replies (24) Good night (1990) Bad night (2820)
• Favorite

  (618): View more from Illinois

  Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."

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  (618): Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you." http://tfl.nu/wg5q
  Replies (9) Good night (1638) Bad night (1800)
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.

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  (215): There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions. http://tfl.nu/xynj
  Replies (1) Good night (1844) Bad night (490)
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"

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  (402): He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by" http://tfl.nu/24bz
  Replies (14) Good night (451) Bad night (2155)
• Favorite

  (937): View more from Ohio

  I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.

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  (937): I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe. http://tfl.nu/np5r
  Replies (10) Good night (1535) Bad night (377)
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  (252): View more from North Carolina

  I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.

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  (252): I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction. http://tfl.nu/uetm
  Replies (2) Good night (1011) Bad night (615)
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.

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  (614): I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win. http://tfl.nu/v96e
  Replies (3) Good night (985) Bad night (270)
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.

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  (206): I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems. http://tfl.nu/rm1a
  Replies (2) Good night (278) Bad night (415)
• Favorite

  (580): View more from Oklahoma

  Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.

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  (580): Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA. http://tfl.nu/0dmc
  Replies (3) Good night (921) Bad night (245)
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard

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  (303): I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard http://tfl.nu/t1kd
  Replies (3) Good night (350) Bad night (501)

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