when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
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My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
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Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately