Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
