I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Hippo gnu deer
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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