ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
