What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
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