So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
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