You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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