mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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