I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
