Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
