Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
