they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
