dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
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