if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.