bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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