For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
