The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I need moral support for this bender
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing