fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
the liver wants what the liver wants
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
