Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
organizing the empties. That sober.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!