Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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