she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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