i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
