So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Enjoy the penises
Randomize
