If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
