It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
