1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
