Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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