I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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