careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
