I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I came so hard my ears popped.
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