Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
