you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
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i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
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Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
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