Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
