and next time when you feel me up, do it right
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
