cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
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