I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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