@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Randomize
