you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Houston, we have a squirter
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
