I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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