BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
