Betty ford says i'm here all night
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
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I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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