he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
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