Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
