so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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