So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
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