Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
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