All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
