i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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