got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Randomize
