things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
