I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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